Jennifer's eight guiding principles for women to get through life and business
I was given the honor to speak at an event for International Women's Day at Nick's Kitchen in Daly City. I got to speak alongside my heroines, Tamearra Dyson, owner of Souley vegan, Alison Bagby owner of Millennium, Dhanistha owner of Om Sabor, Reina Montenegro owner of Nick's Kitchen, and Hilary of Deliciouslyvegansf. Here is my talk below:
As a woman who owns a business, raises kids, and works to fight injustices I want to share with you the eight guiding principles that have gotten me through thick and thin, in business and in life because Running a business is not for the faint of heart... but if you want to do it... you can.
It doesn’t matter what your background is: if you are driven, willing to be humble, passionate, hardworking, hire amazing people and can still face everything when the shit hits the fan - you can do it.
So here are my guiding principles:
1. Be like a post-it note.
Oftentimes, women are expected to be the peacemakers and complimentary in their approach.
However, I challenge that - It is okay to be frank, honest and real. We don’t ask men to be more gentle so why is that expectation put on women?
There is NOT a lot of room on a post-it note to make your words fluffy. And in life when you wear multiple hats: whether it’s parenting, training, working, living, writing it is important to be succinct. It doesn’t mean you’re not loving but it means... sometimes you can just say the tables were dirty and mean the tables were dirty nothing more, nothing less.
2. Be bold in who you are and your opinions:
Everyone has an opinion. Everyone! From my best and my worst customers, good friends, and complete strangers, It doesn’t matter.everyone has an opinion about how to do it. I brought my vegan kids to Whole Foods and asked about which vitamins were vegan for the kids and the employee said “It’s not vegan for the kids, they could DIE”
But this is YOUR life, YOUR dream, YOUR ethics, YOUR style as a woman and you will NEVER please everyone. NEVER. So if you feel proud of the work you are doing then you are doing it right. AND if you agree with their comments or feedback change it. Don’t be afraid. Keep everything shifting to become better. There is no constant. But know yourself to know your mind.
3. You don’t always have to be the BOSS.
I love that I own the restaurant. I get to create a life of compassion that saves the animals and the planet. I feel like I am making a difference in a small way and I am a bad-ass woman who can do anything if I need to.
However, I also allow myself time to blend in. I love serving. I love being colleagues with my staff and I love just treating guests with love and not having to think about all of the other aspects of the business. Many people don’t know who I am and I don’t need the notoriety and I can just connect with people. It is my favorite part of the restaurant, the connection.
To me this also means it is okay to be imperfect, and to just be myself.
The service industry and life bring with it the best and worst in humanity. There was a time, I was serving and the man I was serving was talking down to me the whole time. In the end, he came up to me and asked me who the manager was so he could submit an application. It was so satisfying telling him I was the boss. Ha. But It also served as a good reminder that you never know who you are connecting with. Everyone is important and everyone deserves to be treated with respect.
4. I have buying power as a woman, as do you, and people need to earn my money.
It’s awesome. It means I can choose ethical businesses to work with. It also means when the winemaker refuses to speak to me and only to my husband- I can take my business elsewhere. It’s happened. There are so many businesses that respect the buying power of women and if they don’t they lose my vote, which is my money. Your money choose the actions of this world. I have to repeat that: YOUR money chooses the actions of this world. It has more power than you think.
5. Don’t lose sight of what makes your heart sing: even as you follow your passion.
When I first opened the restaurant I was so busy, running the restaurant and raising a 1 and 4-year old, I forgot to do the things I love. I became miserable. It became a burden when I let the business consume me. Barry and I never got to see each other or go on a vacation or the kids and I didn't have enough time to play or I never got any alone time. There is always something that HAS to get done but you have to let it go and have time to rejuvenate. When I slowly started bringing back the activities that bring me joy: reading, writing, prioritizing family- my heart sang again and I loved my work again.
6. Imperfect is awesome - so take a deep breath.
I get a lot done in a week... I sometimes fail, the dishes have piled up, I lost my patience with the kids, I took something personally I shouldn’t have... the list goes on. I just have to breathe in the good and out my negativity and know that I am awesome in my imperfections.
7. If you think you can do it, you can, even when it feels like you can’t.
My mom was having knee replacement surgery and family is important to me. I needed to be there for her. But I run my home, the business, raise kids, I had no idea how I could make this work. I called in reinforcements with friends, got 3-4 people a day to watch my kids, figured out all of the travelings, created all their meals, made bags for each family with everything the kids would need that few hours got it all in an excel sheet and then hopped on a plane to get to my mom. I slept on a chair in the hospital that kept trying to eat me I would be working on my laptop getting work done while getting eaten by the chair and trying to not wake my mom. But it worked. Everyone was cared for and I am so glad I could be there for her when she needed me because she has been there for me. Family is my priority so I will do anything to make it work. That is love and brings me joy. It also teaches my kids that we have to find ways to be there for each other.
8. Most importantly, let your ethics drive your behavior.
To feel your best make sure you follow what feels true to you. I choose to live a life led by compassion towards the animals, the people, and the planet. I don't have to compromise on my ideals.
Lastly, At each of our benefit dinners, I remind people about two tasks to make the world a little bit kinder:
Every one of us has crossed paths with people that we have never connected with. Let’s change that. Say hello. Introduce yourself. Smile. Those small acts change the barriers, make people feel welcome and break down the walls. Our politicians aren’t going to tear down the walls between us so it’s time we did. There is no such thing as a safe space, a safe city, a safe state no matter what anyone says because it is not safe if the people in it don't create that safety. So YOU are the safe space for the person next to you. You can make someone feel welcome and accepted or not. It is up to each of us.
Second: support small business, artists, and non-profits. They are what keep the fabric of community alive.
As women, it is time to lift each other up. With the me too movement, we know that most of us have had to battle for our positions. We know that many of us have had to overcome hurdles. It is time to keep the momentum going. We are stronger holding hands than going at it alone.
Repeat after me: I am a bad-ass empowered woman.